Nasty rap

As nasty as he wants to be, Chris Hart counted this one with his toes.

Phattest Nasty Group

28.7%	Naughty By Nature
27.8%	Pharcyde
18.5%	Onyx
13.0%	Geto Boys
12.0%	Cypress Hill

Well, just about everyone got a chance to take the lead at one point or another in this race, but in the end Naughty by Nature repeats their win from last year by the hairs on their nasty parts. I guess I still haven't listened to them closely enough to figure out why they're so nasty....

Phattest Nasty Male Rapper

34.9%	Snoop Doggy Dogg
31.1%	Too $hort
11.3%	Sticky Fingaz
10.4%	Scarface
9.4%	B-Real
2.9%	Eazy E

Well, Snoop takes home an, uh, award (gotta come up with a cutesy name for these things... maybe a hippy? Naaaaah....) for his nastiness. He held the lead pretty much from day one and it looked like a cake walk until halfway thru when Too $hort fans started voting. Still, it was too little, too late. This makes Too $Short a bridesmain for two years straight. Of notable interest is the incredibly poor showing of Eazy E, now on the real solo tip.

Phattest Nasty Female Rapper

40.3%	BO$$
25.0%	MC Lyte
18.3%	Yo Yo
13.5%	(Roxanne) Shante
2.9%	Choice

Bo$$ took no shorts this year. After being one of the few write-in's last year to get more than one vote, she managed to move from last place to first this year, beating out her more seasoned competition. And without her to remain the unknown newcomer from below, Choice moved to dead last.

The field for female rappers is fairly small, especially in this category, but this year Bo$$ and her sister hip hoppers made their presences felt. Witness the next category:

Phattest Nasty Rap Single

23.6%	"Slam!" - Onyx
17.3%	"Written on ya Kitten" Naughty by Nature
16.4%	"Hits From the Bong" Cypress Hill
11.8%	"Recipe of a Hoe" Bo$$
11.8%	"Sweat of my Balls" CB4
10.9%	"Gotta get a Ruffneck" MC Lyte
4.5%	"Gimme That Nutt" Eazy E
3.7%	"Dirty Nursery Rhymes" 2 Live Crew

Look: nominated singles actually peformed by women, a first for these humble awards. Of course, the big winner was Onyx with "Slam!" (I must admit that I've slept on them like I was on a pillow 'cause I have no idea why this song is nasty). Anyway, NbN and Cypress practically tied for second with Bo$$ settling for fourth with pseudo-fictional rap group CB4... both just above MC Lyte.

Down in the basement is 2 Live Crew with Eazy E for a little bit of company. Considering everything, the Pudgee write-in came off looking better.

Phattest Nasty Rap Album

28.6%	Bacdafucup Onyx
27.6%	Black Sunday Cypress Hill
25.7%	Get In Where Ya Fit In Too $hort
18.1%	Born Gangstaz Bo$$

Again, Onyx comes out on top in a very tight race. Cypress Hill and Too $hort both looked like winners at different points during the voting, but the boys with the steel larynxes are triumphant. And although she came in last, Bo$$ has the distinction of being the first sister to have an album nominated in any of the categories.

Well... that was nasty wasn't it? Time for something cleaner, I suppose....

Crossover Rap

My man Fletch (fletch1@mit.edu) straddled the fence to count these.

Phattest Crossover Group

37.2%	De La Soul
31.0%	Digable Planets
18.6%	Us3
13.2%	Rage Against The Machine

De La Soul is dead? I think not. Despite a last-minute surge by Digable Planets--who may have had the misfortune of dropping theirs too long ago to be in current memory--The Soul was never really in trouble. "It might blow up but it won't go pop."

Newcomers Us3 held a comfortable third most of the way with Rage Against the Machine playing clean-up.

Phattest Crossover Male Rapper

34.7%	Guru
24.2%	Snoop Doggy Dogg
21.0%	MC Solaar
16.9%	Heavy D
3.2%	Father MC

Well, it was a Guru race from day one. Snoop overcame french-rapping MC Solaar and took a definite second place, but the big surprise is Heavy D's relatively poor showing. I mean, he did better than Father MC (who just barely beat the 2Pac and Zach De La Rocha write-ins), but that's not saying much apparently. How far the mighty have fallen....

Phattest Crossover Female Rapper

35.0%	MC Lyte
30.0%	Ladybug
16.2%	Mary J. Blige
12.0%	Shortie No Mass
6.8%	Patra

It was never really a contest. MC Lyte had it wrapped up from the giddy-up. Digable Planets' Ladybug does a good job with a solid second place showing. Mary J Blige pulls in third (!)--an interesting concept to say the least--over De La Soul pal Shortie No Mass. Patra pulls up last (but she did a bit better than the Salt write-in).

Phattest Crossover Rap Single

67.2%	"Rebirth of Slick (Cool Like Dat)" Digable Planets
32.8%	"Le Bien, La Mal" Guru with MC Solaar

Rather than belabor the obvious, I'll just note that Salt and Pepa got a write-in here for "Shoop" just as they did in the album category for Very Necessary.

In defense of Guru, I should point out that the English and French single has yet to be released from the Jazzmatazz album and may not have been heard by many of the voters. It certainly hasn't benefited from the major airplay of the Digables' first single. Considering that, it did pretty well.

Phattest Crossover Rap Album

28.7%	Jazzmatazz Volume 1 Guru
25.4%	Reachin' (A New Refutation of Time and Space) Digable Planets
22.1%	The Chronic Dr. Dre
13.9%	Judgment Night Soundtrack Various
9.9%	Blue Funk Heavy D

It was a race until the very end, first between Guru and Dre then between Guru and the Digables. Still, the voice behind Gangstarr triumphed in the end with his "experimental fusion of Jazz and Hip-Hop." Usual favorite Heavy D came in dead last this time.

Braggadocio

Marcell.Gabriel@ebay.sun.com wants to make certain that all of you know he counted these votes... and he smoked all the other sucker vote-counters--seven at a time--while he was doing it.

Phattest Braggadocio Group

26.6%	Pharcyde
23.4%	Das EFX
20.3%	Souls of Mischief
18.8%	Wu Tang Clan
10.9%	The Alkaholiks

Lords of the Underground and Cypress Hill managed write-ins.

The Souls of Mischief started this race off with a nice lead, but quickly gave way to the Pharcyde. Once they got it, they held first and refused to let go, no matter how close the others came. The Diggedy Das EFX crew managed second place, but by and large, this was a pretty even race; everyone did fairly well.

Phattest Braggadocio Male Rapper

35.5%	Del The Funkee Homosapien
26.4%	Ice Cube
14.0%	Eric Sermon
11.6%	LL Cool J
8.5%	Jeru Tha Damaja

Just between you and me, I was a bit surprised by this. Del The Funkee managed a decisive victory in this category, even beating his more famous cousin, Ice Cube. Considering that he didn't drop jack the first for almost all of 1993 makes this all the more impressive. Eric Sermon, now on the solo tip from EPMD, managed a nice solid third over veteran LL "I wear a hat 'cause I'm bald" Cool J and newcomer Jeru.

Phattest Braggadocio Female Rapper

37.8%	Yo-Yo
21.0%	MC Lyte
21.0%	Queen Latifah
20.2%	BO$$

Well, it was practically a three-way tie for second, but there's no question who took first. Yo-Yo took an early lead and just kept it. The next two switched leads throughout and in the end managed to end up in the same place. The big comeback award goes to Bo$$ who came from absolute zero in the first third of the period to, well, basically tie for second.

Phattest Braggadocio Rap Single

21.8%	"Slam!" Onyx
21.8%	"Chief Rocka" Lords of the Underground
20.3%	"Outta Here" KRS-ONE
16.5%	"That's When Ya Lost," Souls of Mischief
9.0%	"Come Clean" Jeru Tha Damaja
6.8%	"Freakit" Das EFX
3.8%	"What's Next?" Leaders of the New School

It looked like the Lords were going to just pull this one out, but Onyx held on and managed a tie. And, of course, KRS-One all but tied them. No clear winner here among the top three. Just clear losers.

No, I'm sorry, I take that back. Everyone is a winner (cue Sound of Music theme).

Phattest Braggadocio Rap Album

31.2%	Return of the Boom Bap KRS-One
30.4%	Here Come The Lords Lords of the Underground
27.2%	93 Till Infinity Souls of Mischief
11.2%	T.I.M.E. Leaders of the New School

With a nod to The Chronic as a write-in, we end this section with KRS-One in the top spot, this time managing to beat out his sometime-competition LotU.

We will not mention the apparent contradiction with the nominees for album not being reflected in the other nominations.

Nope.

I will mention that we still have not seen any big majority wins in categories with more than two nominees. No big, clear winners as of yet.

The Dope Thangs

This section was counted by none other than Kathy Peck who was once alta@mit.edu, but is now off in the real world (gasp) making money and contributing to the economy of this fine country.

Funniest Rap
For the, um, funniest rap.

45.8%	"Ya Mama" The Pharcyde
29.2%	"I Can't Wake Up" KRS-One
17.5%	"Return of the Crazy One" Digital Underground
7.5%	"Only When I'm Drunk" Tha Alkaholiks

KRS-One tried to threaten to win with a brief flirtation with first place, but it became apparent rather quickly that the Pharcyde was going to win this one. And they did. Handily.

Due to one of the impossible-to-remove technicalities of the New Jack Hip Hop Awards, "Ya Mama" was available last year as well. Then it took a decisive second place to Sir Mix-a-lot's "Baby Got Back."

Phattest Lyric
Slammin' music is not required.

21.6%	"U.N.I.T.Y." Queen Latifah
21.6%	"Live And Let Live" Souls of Mischief
17.6%	"Hits from the Bong" Cypress Hill
13.6%	"Protect Ya Neck" Wu Tang Clan
13.6%	"Not Yet Free" The Coup
12.0%	"Come Clean" Jeru Tha Damaja

And Queen Latifah breaks a barrier this year to tie for first with newcomers Souls of Mischief. It was a close race throughout with The Queen and Souls pulling slightly ahead as time went on. No clear winner. Lots of long lyrical pipe laid here.

Most Slammin' Beat
Dope lyrics are not required.

27.0%	"That's When Ya Lost" Souls of Mischief
26.2%	"Gin And Juice" Snoop Doggy Dogg
19.2%	"Who Got The Props?" Black Moon
18.6%	"Come Clean" Jeru Tha Damaja
8.4%	"Make Room" Tha Alkaholiks

Let's start at the bottom with the Alkaholiks. They also received a write-in for "Likwit" (which did have a slammin' beat now that I think about it). As we move up we see that Black Moon and Jeru pretty much tied but fell behind the top two spots.

The Souls of Mischief take the top spot again... this time refusing a tie with mega-star Snoop Doggy Dogg (who actually had a nice lead for the first half). We'll have to wait until to see if Souls can combine their slammin' lyrics and their slammin' beats and take any other awards (hip-hoppies?) home.

Phattest DJ
It's not a lost art yet.

62.1%	DJ Premier for Return of the Boom Bap and others
16.4%	DJ Mark Luv for Bizarre Ride II the Pharcyde
15.5%	Lord Jazz for Here Come The Lords
6.0%	Pam The Funkstress for Kill My Landlord

In the first major upset of the day, DJ Premier, the more turntable-minded side of Gangstarr, takes a majority win over the others in the pack. Most nominators noted his wheels of steel mastery in Return of the Boom Bap but he was also noted for a slammin' beat in Jeru Tha Damaja's "Come Clean."

Jazzy Jeff, once known as a truly top-notch DJ did get a sympathy vote.

Phattest Producer(s)

36.5%	Ali Shaheed Muhammed for Midnight Marauders
35.8%	Dr. Dre for The Chronic and Doggy Style
27.7%	DJ Premier for Return of the Boom Bap and others

This was a great race. Dr Dre was ahead--sometimes by a large number of votes--until the very end when everyone finally figured out just what the hell it is that Ali does for A Tribe Called Quest and decided to vote for him. DJ Premier ("thank God for DJ Premier" as one voter put it) pulls a solid third.

This is a turn around from the last two years when one could bet the farm and the kids that any hardcore act would beat out the jazzier folks. Looks interesting. A new trend or just an aberration?

More Dope Thangs

This is one of favorite groups of votes and was counted by workaholic Kathy Peck (again).

Leaders of the New School
The most innovative hip hoppers around. Doesn't have to be someone new, might be an old dog learning and teaching some new tricks. In any case, should take hip hop in a new direction.

39.8%	Bizzare Ride II Tha Pharcyde Pharcyde
24.6%	93 'Til Infinity Souls of Mischief
20.7%	Reachin' (A New Refutation of Time and Space) Digable Planets
8.6%	Black Sunday Cypress Hill
6.3%	T.I.M.E. Leaders of the New School

The top three spots were pretty stable from the get-go and Pharcyde takes a decisive first place. Fan-fave SoM does a solid second with the Digables pulling up third. Everyone else just sort of showed up.

Best fusion of Hip-Hop with non-Hip-Hop
Being the experimenters that they are, Hip-Hop artists are often trying to merge their styles with stuff from other genres, be it heay metal, jazz or country.

38.4%	Jazzmatazz Volume 1 Guru
23.2%	Hand on the torch Us3
20.0%	Reachin' (A New Refutation of Time and Space) Digable Planets
11.2%	Judgement Night Soundtrack Various
7.2%	"Slam"/"Judgement Night" Onyx & Biohazard

"Fusion" was taken literally this year and almost everyone took it mean Jazz (even the write-in was for a Jazz-Hip-Hop attempt: 3-D Lifestyles by Greg Osby). Guru got mad votes and just plain smoked everybody. Digables got lazy halfway thru and gave up a solid second for a solid third. Us3 pulled off that upset.

The Hard Rock-Rap fusion got less dap (81.6 to 18.4%) but didn't do too badly.

Phattest Non-USA Artist

43.2%	MC Solaar for "Le Bien, Le Mal" & Qui Seme Le Vent Recolte Le Tempo
43.2%	Us3 for Hand On the Torch
13.6%	Apache Indian

Need I say more? Last minute voting made this one a tie with French-speaking rapper MC Solaar gettin' dap mostly for his Guru duet but also gettin' props for his own album (yes, I own it). The English Us3 jazz up the proceedings a bit.

And Apache Indian is in the basement (unless you count write-in Gunshot).

Of course, it's possible that the non-American readers are all shaking their heads at this point, wondering at our ignorance. For my part, all I can say is that I've only heard of Us3 and Solaar. Who is Apache Indian anyway? Anyone want to share with the class?

Provider of Phattest Samples
Everyone from James Brown to The Gap Band to Chick Corea have been so kind as to provide hip hop with dope samples. Who's provided the best stuff *this year*?

44.3%	Parliament-Funkadelic
20.5%	Zapp and Roger Troutman (Erick Sermon's "Stay Real")
14.8%	George Clinton's "Atomic Dog"
11.4%	James Brown
9.0%	Emotions for "Blind Alley" off of the Untouched LP (seen in oldies like Big Daddy Kane's "Ain't No Half Steppin'", it was used this past year by LL, Trilogy, Kenny Dope and King Sun, among others)

And the answer is Pfunk. But then, it's always PFunk (albeit by less than last year). One day, very soon, it's going to be against the law to sample them. Still, I never ceased to be amazed at the number of different and interesting ways one can use "Atomic Dog" and still make it sound fresh.

Speaking of which, that particular PFunk sample managed third all by itself. James Brown, grandfather of FONK beats out the Emotions entry. Also worth noting for posterity are the write-ins.

First we have Pharoah Sanders for something or anther. We also have "Ode to Billy Joe" as used by Black Sheep (Still in the Ghetto), Lord Finesse (Stop Sweatin the Next Man), Cypress Hill (Three Lil Putos) and Grand Puba (Reel to Reel).

Most Innovative Use of a Sample
Award for the artist who used a sample (be it music, voice or whatever) in the most innovative, unexpected or phattest way

47.2%	Ice Cube's for good use of Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five's "The Message" in "Check Yo Self" off The Predator
25.2%	Wu Tang Clan for interesting use of Shaolin/Wu-Tang sword
stuff 15.4%	Jeru the Damaja for the water sample on "Come Clean"
12.2%	The Coup for "I love playing the drums..." sample from "I Ain't The Nigga" on Kill My Landlord.

Ice Cube won. He just... won. The race for second was more interesting. Jeru and Wu Tang were neck-and-neck until 3/4 of the way thru when Wu Tang just pimp slapped Jeru and took a solid second. My favorite sample for the year comes in last. Oh, well.

And that's it for today. See ya tommorrow children.